I can’t believe that it has been 3.5 years (or so) since I last posted – time sure does fly by fast! I have had a lot of life happen since my last post, but that is no excuse for being MIA. I am not going to go into detail on everything that has happened in that time, but will update you – warning this may be a bit long and seem like it’s all over the place! the last 2 years have been a struggle when it comes to my journey. I stared 2022 off strong – from March to April I followed a gut protocol and was down 11 lbs. and 11 inches. Then I don’t know what happened other than gaining 30 lbs. since. We do suspect that hormones could be a part of it, so I did a DUTCH test and am awaiting the results
Another thing that I have been struggling with from the last 2 years (started April 2022) is nocturnal panic attacks. It started with two in April 2022 and one in April 2023 (the first one in 2022 and the one in 2023 landing me in the ER). I thought that I had a good idea of what the trigger was, but this year has proven that wrong. I have had 4 so far this year with two of them landing me in the ER. We have no idea what is causing them but it really takes a toll on me. I am not sure if I will ever know the cause but I am working closely with my entire team (primary care doctor, endocrinologist, and functional medicine doctor) to figure this out. I just finished 7 days on a heart monitor today, I will be seeing a therapist this week for a consultation, and will be seeing a cardiologist in May (just to make sure the ticker is okay).
My journey for weight loss has had some peaks but a lot of valleys over the last 2 years. December 2022 my shoulder started acting up and I had a weird thing happen where I couldn’t use my right arm for a week. A month or 2 after finishing physical therapy for that I started having foot issues. Was told a couple of different things, the main one being that my calf muscle was too tight causing my foot mechanics not to work properly. I went through PT for that around March of last year and was good, until I wasn’t. In October I started having issues again but just pushed through it hoping it would get better. Spoiler alert – it didn’t! I got worse until it was incredibly painful to walk. I ended up at the orthopedic urgent care twice in two weeks and then a referral to the surgeon. The surgeon recommended surgery since it seemed my calf was even tighter than before. February 1st I had a Gastrocnemius Recession on my right calf. I am now just over two months out and doing incredibly well!
During this time I have also worked with several coaches – sometimes it feels like I am just throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks. But in all honesty I have learned so much from each one of them and have healed some past traumas that have been holding me back on my journey. Currently I am working with an amazing personal trainer who shares the same faith as me and is working it into our time together. She tailors the sessions to me – including working on my recovery from surgery. I love how she explains what we are doing and what muscles it is working, and more.
I still have a long road ahead of my on my journey, but I refuse to give up. I am becoming more focused on my health, listening to my body, and how I feel overall vs being focused on the number on the scale. Full disclosure I do weigh myself everyday (it’s part habit), but that number is now just a data point for me. It has helped me to see what foods are more of a fun food that may not help me to reach my goal, which helps me to know that I maybe can’t have those foods every day.
I just started reading a new (to me) book and wanted to share some nuggets from it with you!!
our journey toward physical health is not a straight line but a series of steps, each laden with lessons, moments of self discovery, and opportunities for growth. In this process, it is all too easy to fixate on the destination – the number on the scale, the reflection in the mirror, or a size of jeans. Each moment of struggle is as valuable as the moments of triumph, for it is in the struggle that we find strenghth, and in the perseverance that our spirit takes flight.
“Losing Weight with God” by, Kim Everson
Over Easter break we took our boys for a quick overnight and went swimming at the hotel. I have had this swimsuit since August 2016 when I was about 12 weeks pregnant with my second and probably still under 170 lbs. I honestly wonder each time I put it on how it still fits. When I got back to the room with my youngest – I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it absolutely broke my heart. I thought to myself “wow, you look 9 months pregnant – why would you wear this?” I was mortified and then glad that no one else was in the pool but us. I try to remind myself that my body is amazing and has given me 3 wonderful boys, and those boys along with my husband do not see what I see – they see a wife and a mom – nothing less. Thinking about this picture, how it made me feel, reminded me of all the hurt full things people have said throughout my life regarding my weight – whether I was a “normal” weight (as a kid), overweight, or had just lost 60 lbs. and what society says about our weight and appearance. This passage in the book really hit home for me regarding this.
in a culture captivated by appearances, it is all too easy to slide into the idolatry of physical perfection. When the quest for health becomes a pursuit of an impossible ideal, when our worth becomes tied to the number on the scale or the shape of a body, we stray from the spiritual essence of our journey.”
“Losing Weight with God” by, Kim Everson
I know this update is a hot mess – it fully represents the season I am in right now. I am hoping to keep you updated more regularly than once every four years! I will try to work on monthly updates for now and then maybe weekly. Here are my January 1st stats and pictures: Weight 205.8 lbs. Total Inches 247.82
